In honor of the meal Americans will celebrate as a nation tomorrow, here is a story---more of a one-sided dialogue really---about a father's telephone conversation with his daughter on the occasion of the first Thanksgiving meal she has cooked under her own roof. It's somewhat in the style of a Bob Newhart telephone sketch. Dedicated to daughters everywhere but especially to our daughter, Lisa.
Enjoy. And Thanksgiving blessings to all.
By Bill Kirk
Good Morning, daughter! Is everyone up?
Have you had any coffee—at least your first cup?
Is all the stuff ready to cook the big meal?
Is the turkey thawed out? Have you broken the seal?
Remember to take out the small bag of parts;
One neck and a gizzard—I once found two hearts!
You did all your shopping; bought all on your list?
You’ve checked everything so nothing was missed?
There’s stuffing and dinner rolls, broth and green beans;
Potatoes and ham hocks—we’ll bring the tureens.
The bird will cook best, will be nice and browned,
At three-twenty-five—fifteen minutes a pound.
It’s sometimes quite tricky, to get the temp right.
Gas cooks a bit faster.... Oh, you learned that last night?
Before you get started, did you take out the rack?
And we’ve always used a brown paper sack.
You’ll need lots of time to fix the big bird.
If you want any help, just give me the word.
What about onions? Is there chopping to do?
Should I bring mashed potatoes? Is there cider to brew?
Do you have the cranberries; the pickles and such?
Don't forget that good gravy, takes just the right touch!
What did you say? Don’t chop, stir or pour?
I don’t need to make a last run to the store?
But what do you mean, you’ve changed the meal plan?
There’s not a meal crisis? You don’t need the Old Man?
“That’s right, Dad,” I heard our young daughter say.
“There’s no bird or stuffing to mess with today.”
“We've all eaten turkey since we were in cribs.
So, this year, instead, we’re having prime ribs.”
I sat there quite stunned as I heard the sad news,
And was suddenly struck by a case of the blues.
Then, clear as a bell, I knew what to do.
My panic was gone. My doldrums were through.
“Oh, don’t worry daughter, your prime rib’s a ‘go’!
Lucky for you, there’s a trick that I know…!”